Denise Welch: I've had to come to terms with my past

Actress Denise Welch candidly opens up about her journey with addiction and depression, as well as the unexpected adoration she receives from fans of The 1975. She reflects on coming to terms with her past experiences.

Actress Denise Welch discusses addiction, depression and why The 1975 fans treat her as “the Virgin Mary”.

After forty eventful years in the public eye, Denise Welch has earned various titles – from a seasoned television personality to a reformed party enthusiast, from a vocal Loose Woman to a rock-star mom, and ultimately, a survivor.

However, as she prepares for rehearsals in a dressing room above Manchester’s intimate Hope Mill Theatre, the 65-year-old is singularly focused on rekindling her roots as a theatre actress, the persona that marked the beginning of her career.

In the premiere of Jim Cartwright’s The Gap, celebrated for his poignant and gritty plays like The Rise and Fall of Little Voice and Road, Welch embodies Corral, a character revisiting her youth in the vibrant backdrop of Swinging ’60s London.

Welch jests in mock exasperation, “There are certain lines that could only spring from the pen of Jim Cartwright. I’d find myself thinking, ‘Oh dear Jim, your words are so uniquely yours, they refuse to stick in my mind!'”

Reflecting on her banter with Cartwright, she recounts, “He once quipped, ‘Would you dare speak to William Shakespeare in such a manner?’ And I shot back, ‘Absolutely! I wouldn’t hesitate!'”

If she had trod the boards centuries ago, Welch’s boldness suggests she wouldn’t have hesitated to challenge the Bard himself.

Such audacity is integral to her persona – the spirited, unapologetic Geordie matron. To some, this endears Welch as a national treasure, while to others, it paints her as a brazen troublemaker.

Welch boasts an extensive acting portfolio, with appearances in Coronation Street, Waterloo Road, Hollyoaks, and Soldier Soldier, among other dramas. However, her most enduring credit spans 22 years on ITV’s Loose Women, where she has portrayed herself.

Known for her outspoken and controversial viewpoints, Welch has been vocal both on the show and on social media, particularly regarding Covid restrictions, which she deemed unjustified, especially given her elderly father’s solitary struggles.

In her three candid memoirs, Welch delves into her battles with clinical depression, notably in her latest work, 2020’s The Unwelcome Visitor. She candidly discusses her attempts to alleviate her suffering through substance abuse, which ultimately exacerbated her condition.

Before appearing as singer Petula Clark on ITV’s Stars in Their Eyes program in 1999, the book recounts one of her darkest moments. In the dressing room, Welch described herself as “crawling around and banging my head on the floor, trying desperately to deaden the pain within.” This incident marked her initial encounter with Stars in Their Eyes host Matthew Kelly, who now shares the stage with her in The Gap. Welch speaks highly of Kelly, describing him as “a wonderful soul” and someone she could confide in if she ever felt overwhelmed.

Remaining sober for 11 years has effectively kept the unwelcome visitor—referred to as the “monster in my mind” by Welch—at a distance.

Her former reputation as a party animal is now obsolete; she identifies herself as an “ex-party animal.”

“I can’t stress enough how un-party animal I’ve become,” Welch explains. “My greatest joy is being at home with my husband, indulging in true crime shows on TV while enjoying a takeaway. That’s my ideal scenario.”

Welch acknowledges that the years of alcohol and cocaine abuse took a toll on her and those in her life.

“I’ve had to reconcile with my past and the destructive behaviors that addiction led me into,” she reflects. “I deeply regret the pain I caused others because of my actions.

“Addiction to alcohol and drugs carries immense shame. Looking back, I’m astounded by some of my choices and actions. I question whether those decisions truly reflected who I am, or if they were merely a response to my circumstances at the time.

“However, I’ve learned to extend forgiveness to myself. I was using substances to cope with a profound illness, albeit in a misguided attempt to find temporary relief, which ultimately ensnared me.”

The unwelcome visitor initially manifested itself when Welch experienced post-natal depression following the birth of her first son, Matthew, nearly 35 years ago. The impact on her family became apparent when Matthew, now the frontman of the rock band The 1975, penned a song about it called “She Lays Down.”

The lyrics struck a chord with Welch as he sang, “She’s appalled by not loving me at all. She wears a frown and dressing gown, when she lays down.” Upon hearing the song, Welch felt “heartbroken.” “Even now, if I listen to it,” she admits, “it brings tears to my eyes.”

“What brought tears to my eyes the most was his comprehension of the situation. He resembles me in many aspects, and he grasps the nature of my illness.

During his teenage years, he experienced a lot of chaos. However, as he puts it, ‘Yeah, but Mom, if the house hadn’t been a little wild, I might not have become a rock star.’

“So, there are advantages and disadvantages to it. But you need to reconcile with people – and addiction is an awful illness.”

Welch is recognized by a significant portion of the population not for her acting or appearances on TV panels, but rather as the mother of Matty Healy.

In an alternate reality, she might have been recognized by even more individuals as the mother-in-law of Taylor Swift. However, her son’s relationship with the pop singer concluded last year.

Nowadays, when approached by someone in public, Welch can discern whether they are admirers of her or her son.

“Denise Welch enthusiasts radiate joy and a sense of familiarity when they approach me,” she remarks.

“Matthew’s fans often see me as ‘There is the Virgin Mary – there is the woman who gave birth to the Messiah.’ It’s not uncommon for people at the O2 arena to touch me and start crying. His hero worship can be overwhelming, considering I’m the one who actually carried him, but it’s also quite amusing. So, I like to play around with that.

My younger son, Louis, is also an actor. I’m proud of both of them, but like any mother, I mostly worry about their well-being, especially their mental health. When I watch Matthew on stage, my primary concern is always whether he’s okay.”

Welch hasn’t encountered the unwelcome visitor in Welch for half a decade, yet she remains vigilant about its potential return.

Although the triggers for its onset have not always been apparent, stepping onto the stage has historically served as a catalyst. Therefore, as her new play debuts, Welch is meticulous about self-care.

“I must exercise caution before facing any stressful situation, including opening night,” she explains.

“My mind acknowledges my excitement for the play. However, my body tends to transform healthy nerves into anxiety, potentially leading to other issues.

“While I tell myself, ‘I’m genuinely thrilled about this production,’ my body sometimes succumbs to apprehension. The fear of experiencing anxiety again can overshadow everything. Thus, I remain vigilant.”

She emphasizes, “Yet, I refuse to let fear dictate my life continually; that’s within my control.”

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